Time. What a concept. I seem to never possess an adequate amount of of it, and what I do hold zips by at lightening speed. Buzzes right by. I blink and just like that, it’s nothing but another memory.
I recall sitting in a desk tarnished with pencil markings and Sharpie doodles, wishing every day away except for Friday-Sunday. My mind would meander days ahead, craving for time to pass rapidly.
I just didn’t get it.
So often, I recall a conversation with a treasured friend that took place about six months ago. She and her husband slipped away for an impromptu date night, while I spent time giggling and twirling the night away with their girls.
After many out of key lullabies and smooches goodnight, the princesses were each asleep, and I tiptoed back downstairs. Shortly after, their mother snuck back in, joining me in the quiet. For a while, we chatted candidly about their date- how sweet it was, how romantic her husband was at the restaurant. She beamed. My heart filled as I felt myself hopeful for those moments. Those future moments with whoever my sweet Father is preparing for me.
Then, tears filled her eyes, as she turned her gaze towards me. She looked to me, as as she knew what I was dreaming of. My mind will never be able to forget the weighty words she stated:
“Oh, Lauren, please enjoy this season for what it is.
You will never, ever get it back again. It will never be the same.”
Tears rolled down her face as she spoke truth to me. These single days- they are the most special. These days without a husband, children, mortgage payment, responsibility... they are distinct. Set apart. Marked with purpose and scripted for God’s very own glory.
It will never be the same.
As I continue to walk with Jesus, holding onto the very hem of His garment, I must face the facts. How am I using my free time to advance the Kingdom of God? These days-where my responsibility is focused completely on myself- How am I using them for Him? Am I spending every single moment, every single day, for the expansion of the Kingdom? Am I taking this season of singleness, of solitude, for granted? Or am I using it for what it’s meant for?
My heart beats fast for women’s ministry. My very soul longs to see women come to a better understanding of Jesus Christ. Everything in me yearns to see women chasing the Lord in a real, radical, dangerous, precious kind of way. Will I spend my free nights, mornings and weekends pouring out into those younger, those older, those around me during this chapter? Or will I grasp them selfishly for myself?
I am reminded of Esther immediately... a woman whose story is spelled out in scripture. A woman with her own book. A woman with her own story. A woman that had to make critical decisions- problematic ones. No, not just decisions about what tiara to wear with her evening gown- but decisions that would, and did, affect an entire people group- her people. In Esther 4, Mordeicai, her “Big Brother” figure, tells her, straight up, “Who knows? Maybe are RIGHT here for such a time as THIS.”
Such a time as this. Single sisters. Do not let impending engagements, deep desires, or love life letdowns distract you from such a time as this. May we not hoard our free hours for naps, Netflix marathons or laziness, but give them freely to Him- to do what He wants with them.
Your nights are not reserved for cooking a meal for a husband, or calling out a child’s spelling words to them. You do not have twelve loads of laundry ahead of you when you get off of work. You aren’t hopping into a mini van to pick up 3 worn out children from soccer practice every afternoon.
Your days are free. Wide open. Special, in the sweetest kind of way. Are we wishing them away, wasting them away, or committing them to ministry? We choose, and we must choose wisely, for we will never get this season back again.
“Don’t listen to one thing I say, but this: spend single days with the Prince of Peace. Chapters close. Chapters open. Use all your free time with your Holy Husband. Bask in Him.”